3 Years ago today

3 years ago today was the day Kala had her surgery. That was one of hardest days of my life now that I look back at it. I took a vibrant normal young 24 year old daughter with a brain tumor on her brain stem and trusted her to a doctor to remove the tumor and after 5 hours of surgery to find out that they couldn't get to it and that she would have double vision and short term memory loss. Two things they didn't bother to tell us before the surgery. Not only was a devastated that they couldn't get the tumor, but then to find out that because of the surgery we would have other things to deal with. I remember saying to the doctor "you mean we did this for nothing". I guess what I should have said was "you mean we did this so that Kala would have short term memory loss and double vision?" Her double vision did go away in about 6 months which the doctor said it should - as far as the short term memory loss he couldn't tell me when. Well it's been 3 years and I'm hear to tell you it hasn't returned. Sometimes I wonder if it's returned more than Kala wants to admit and that she's just using it to get more attention. She has found out that from me it doesn't get her more attention.

I look today - especially at her and realize that I am lucky that she is alive and here, but wish I had the answers as to WHY we are having to travel this long and hard road. It has not been an
easy road for her or I and we are far from the end.

It saddens me to realize that I don't think she will ever be that young normal girl that I took to
that hospital three years ago and intrusted to a surgeon.

I do realize that God doesn't give us more than we can handle - sometimes I just wish he would give us a clue as to why and what the final goal is - because right now I have no idea.