My Life Such As It Is

My Life Today

2012-02-10T22:31:00.003-06:00

Well I realized the other day that I have been basically running from my life - not wanting to except the things that have not gone right in my life and some of these things are things I can not change. My life is the way God has it planned for me. Maybe not what I had hoped for, but it is "My Life Such As It Is".

When I take a moment and look around this world, all of us have dreams shattered and hopes dashed, so I comfort in knowing that I'm not alone.

I'm blessed that I have friends in my life that have loved me enough to let me rant and rave, cry and sometimes scream when I felt at my lowest and though they may not see it yet. They have been the difference between me being here at home or in the nuthouse.

So a big huge thanks to those friends and on to living "My Life Such As It Is!"

2012

2012-01-19T10:29:00.002-06:00

Well it's already a new year and I haven't posted in ages. It's been a very busy end of 2011 and the first 19 days of 2012. I'll be happy when my job slows down. Most days my faithful companion comes to work with me. I would not trade for Thor. He has been a blessing to me.

Hope everyday is a blessed day!

Soul Searching

2011-08-05T08:51:00.002-05:00

Over the last couple of weeks I've had a lot of time to do some soul searching. I've come to realize that you may love some one with all your heart but sometimes that person isn't the same person they were when you fell in love with them and it's time to let it go. Always easier said then done - but I'm going to try and get it done.

I've also realized that sometimes you just can not make yourself give a crap. But that too I plan on working on - I believe that's called attitude. :)

Life is what it is and you can either accept it and deal with the lemons or you can let it take you down the dark wholes. I've had my share of dark wholes and I'm going to try and not get back in them.

Sometimes trying to get your 84 yr old mother to understand what your feeling doesn't work - and she has never really agreed with much that I've done any way so once again I'll do what I think is best for me.

Luckily I have great friends that do understand where I'm coming from.

Paper Cow Gril Retreat

2011-05-04T21:03:00.002-05:00

Prissy and I are attending Paper Cowgirl Retreat in June and can not wait. The picture above is one of the classes we will be taking. I've never made any type of jewelry and this is so stinkin' cute that I can't wait to make it.

So until June 9th rolls around I'll be dreaming of crafting at the Paper Cowgirl Retreat.

Sickness/Friends

2011-04-29T10:38:00.003-05:00

Well I've been sick the last couple of days with strep throat. I hate when I get this as it really knocks me down. But wanted to say how very blessed I am to have friends like, Prissy, Amber, Allison and Freddie who were brave enough to bring me things to eat and Allison the bravest of them all - to drive me to the doctor. Please pray that none of these very caring friends get sick from me. They are truly great people.

2011-04-11T10:09:00.004-05:00

Had a fast trip to the Texas Motor Speedway for the races this weekend. My man - Matt Kenseth won the race so it was great for me. Got home yesterday evening and I have to admit I am draggin today but I'll get thru this Monday one way or another.

Diaper Cake

2011-04-06T23:46:00.005-05:00

Freddie and Prissy to the rescue.

Freddie and Prissy have once again saved me from failure. I decided to do this diaper cake for a shower gift for my friend Amber after seeing the ones that Jessica Ortiz does. As usual, I bit off more than I could get done in the time frame I needed it to be done.

So with much love and appreciation I thank Freddie and Prissy for their friendship and willingness to help a friend out. Prissy without your help this could not have gotten done.

I think the diaper cake turned out awesome. Hope the mother-to-be thinks so too.

Thanks Jessica also for sharing your diaper cakes and this will be the one and only one I do. I will leave them up to you from now on.

Monday's

2011-04-04T10:39:00.004-05:00

So it's Monday, another week of work then off to the NASCAR races this weekend. I am truly blessed with a wonderful job that offers me many perks. This weekend's trip to the races is one of them. I'm going with 9 of my fellow co-workers. I can hardly wait. NASCAR is one of the few sports that I truly enjoy.

2011-04-03T22:24:00.003-05:00

So tonight two of my besties needed blog lessons so we sat down and got to work. This has hopefully inspired me to blog more often. I will be working on updating my play list of music and hopefully will have other things to post. Am working on a diaper cake for a shower gift and with the help of Prissy just may get it done. As soon as I do I will post a picture of it. Until then....

Holiday Season

2010-12-10T19:11:00.003-06:00

Well the holidays are upon us and I just can't seem to get in the spirit. Guess not having anyone but me at the house just doesn't seem worth the trouble of decorating. Luckily, I have friends that are in the spirit so all is not lost.

I was on vacation this week and Freddie and I went and visited Prissy at Cottage Conrad. I truly appreciate Prissy sharing her piece of heaven with me. I go to Cottage Conrad and relax, shop, craft and enjoy the two best friends a girl could have. They never expect anymore out of me than what I can give and I love them as though they are my sister and brother. I am truly blessed for their friendships as well as Christy and Deannie. Without these four people I'm not sure how I would have made it through the last five years. From the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU!!

I am thankful this year and every year for my wonderful family and friends - for they keep me going.

May everyone have a Very Merry Christmas and I hope 2011 is a wonderful year for everyone.

Just a few random thoughts---

2010-07-26T13:31:00.002-05:00

Well I'm not sure where this summer and year have gone but it's going fast. Have been able to spend some time with great friends and have enjoyed every minute of it. Still have tons to do around my house -- hopefully some day I'll get it done. Am looking forward to what lies ahead for the rest of the year - surely it will be more productive than that last several months for me. :)

What do you Say?

2010-04-11T21:06:00.002-05:00

What do you say to a friend(s) that you know are hurting so badly that no words on this earth can ease their pain. You would give anything to take that pain away but you know you can't. You truly understand their pain and why, but you feel helpless because all you can do is stand there. You see in their eyes the pain but you also see the love, joy and laughter. So for the words that I don't say please know that I love you and am here with a big hug.

Just a thought.

2010-04-05T16:25:00.001-05:00

I'm not as eloquent with words as most people, but what I do write/say comes from the heart. I have been very blessed in the last four years to have become friends with some wonderful, loving and caring people. These friends have stood beside me no matter what and their friendships have been put to the test. So from the bottom of my heart - THANKS and I love each of you dearly!

Home - Sweet Home

2010-03-25T13:09:00.001-05:00

Well I made it home and am back to reality. Not sure I like it very much. Was glad to get home and see my animals but not so glad to get back to work. Sure miss the friends that got to stay behind - but they too must return sometime. It was a great time with good friends. Thanks guys!

Cottage Conrad

2010-03-22T23:32:00.002-05:00

Well my time at Cottage Conrad is coming to an end. I head home tomorrow. Not looking forward to returning to the "real" world but do miss my pets. Am worried about my little Miss Libby. Had a cancerous tumor removed from her leg and am waiting for the plan of action to take now, but am going to worry with that when I'm home - for now am enjoying - good friendship - good times - good food - good drinks and lots of good shopping. What more can a girl ask for!

Thanks Prissy for having me to Cottage Conrad - it was just what the doctor ordered. Relaxation! You and Freddie make it home safely. Hmm Hmm Hmm (hail to the chief)!.

Friends

2010-03-16T11:04:00.004-05:00

Am taking off the end of this week to spend time with two of the greatest, most loving and best friends a girl could have. We are off to do a scrapbook class and then to Cottage Conrad for rest, relaxation, scrapbooking, shopping and laughter. These two people - Freddie and Prissy - know me better than I know myself sometimes. They pick me up emotionally, when I can barely pick myself up and sometimes carry me. For their friendships, love, support and hours of laughter I thank them and I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

You would think "Spring has Sprung"

2010-03-06T17:25:00.002-06:00

Today was such a beautiful day. Went out and worked with my horse and had the pleasure of spending time with my niece. Now days most young people aren't some one I would want to hang with but my niece doesn't mind hanging with me, or at least she doesn't act like it. I've always enjoyed being around her.

I hope that this beautiful weather sticks around and we don't have any more snow.

Raider

2010-03-05T21:41:00.000-06:00

Sent from my iPhone. Excuse any typos.

Ready for Spring

2010-03-04T15:55:00.001-06:00

Today is a beautiful day outside and I so wish I could have been off to enjoy it.
I'm so ready for spring. This has been a cold and wet winter. Hopefully today is just a start of many more pretty days to come.

I'm still alive!!

2010-02-01T21:20:00.001-06:00

Well life has been busy with lots of battles along the way. Some I've won and some I haven't. Some with Kala and many within. I have witnessed life's joys and heartaches. Without the love and support of my friends and family I don't know that I could have made it through any of these battles. I have watched my friends and family go through their own battles and I realize that mine are really not all that bad and if I would give the majority of the battles to God - he will take care of them, and yes he does answer prayers. I hope that I have been at least some help to those who have time and time again stood by me and helped me. I could not ask for better friends or family.

I moved Kala into an apartment back in July and have learned to "live" in my house again. Now I just need to make it my home again and not just a house. I know it will come in time. I told a friend "that my give a care was broken". They said that they thought it wasn't broken - that I do care about my friends and family - it's only broken when it comes to me. That comment has made me do some real thinking and I've come to the conclusion that those were some good words of wisdom.

I hope that in this year that I can get more of my things in an order that I am pleased with. I hope that I can play often and really enjoy what life has to offer and not sit and wish for what might/could be. God has a road mapped out for me and I just need to put my faith in him. He will not lead me wrong.

Last Three Weeks

2009-03-27T13:44:00.004-05:00

Well the last three weeks have really been a whirlwind for me. Kala was put in the Pavillion (which was a good thing). They put her on new medicines - which have helped and gave me a 10 day resting period. During that time the other girl that was in our office was let go - so I've had to pick up the slack and do that job as well as mine. Luckily they have hired a good friend of mine that I know will be able to do the job and do it like it should be done.

I'm wishing that today as I sit at home with blizzard weather that life could be so easy that I could be scrapbooking instead of working - but I know that I have to get the work done before I can enjoy scrappbooking.

This is a recent photo of me and my horse. I've gotten to ride several times in the last couple of months and that has been a blessing too.

Long Time between Posts

2009-03-09T11:09:00.002-05:00

Well it's been a long time since I posted - well over a month. My life has been
in the same downhill spiral that it's been on for the last three years. I'm not
sure when it will get better - but my faith in God lets me know that it will.

I haven't done anything worth posting about in a sometime. Have ridden my wonderful horse Mercades a couple of times in the beautiful weather we've had. Wanted to ride
on some of the windy days but figure the wind would blow me off the horse. LOL

I want to thank all my friends and family who have stood beside me during these
trying times for me. I love you for being there for me and Kala.

Scrapblog.com

2009-01-29T20:44:00.003-06:00

I heard about this website on the TV the other night and decided to go visit it.

OH MY GOSH!! I love it. It is one of the easiest ways to digital scrapbook that I have seen. I love the fact that you can make books, postcards, greeting cards, etc.

I realize that there are other companies that you can make books and all but I really like the things I've seen on this site. If your friends have accounts with scrapblog you can have them as friends and if you wish they can view your albums.

If you decide to join - please look me up as a friend.

Into the New Year

2009-01-15T20:06:00.002-06:00

Well here we are into the New Year and as a New Year rolls around it makes you look back at the last year to see where you are compared to last year.

My daughter seems more rattled than she did last year. I think alot of that has to do with the point that I no longer will answer her questions and am mad at her 99% of the time. I refuse to help someone who won't help themselves.

As far as my love life - I'm still trying to figure out why someone says that the love and want you - but only wants you when another person is paying you attention and you are paying attention back. They will still continue to do what caused you to end the relationship in the first place. I always think that it's a still need to have their cake and eat it to. Unfornatutely, all they've done is push me farther and farther away. I will never understand this person - as I'm not sure they understand themselves.

Luckily the weather has been warmer enough sometimes that I've had time to go riding and that has become my idea place to just not have to think. I've been told that to see me totally relaxed - just put me with Mercades. Alot of people wonder why I bought a horse - to me - that was the best money spent ever. She wants nothing more
of me - than to feed - water and love her, and in return she gives me the inner peace that I so need right now in my life.

About time I posted!!!!

2008-12-29T22:09:00.002-06:00

Well the holiday season was a very busy one. My mom was in the hospital for a week right before Christmas so I didn't get all the things done that I wanted to do for Christmas. It was still a wonderful Christmas with family and friends.

Yesterday the weather was beautiful here and I was able to go ride my horse. It was the most relaxing day.

Got moved into my new office at work and am lovin, lovin, lovin it. It is so nice not to have to deal with the public and a grouchy boss.

Well I'm off to bed - but wish every one a Happy New Year.

Work

2008-12-07T20:52:00.004-06:00

Well Monday of this week I got a promotion in my job. I will no longer have to work the same job I have done the last 9 years. In many many ways this was the best Christmas present I could get. I'm sure that the boss that I will no longer be working for is as happy as I am.

I will be working for the sister company of the one I have worked for the last 9 years. My boss is much much younger than I am and that doesn't bother me a bit. He is a great guy to work for and with. I am excited about this new adventure.

Busy Time of Year

2008-12-02T20:32:00.002-06:00

Well I have been busy, busy, busy since Thanksgiving as I'm sure everyone else is. I just about got all my Christmas shopping finished. Got the tree up and decorated and with the help of Rick, got the Christmas lights up outside. Now I just need to get the gifts wrapped and under the tree.

I got some great news yesterday. I got a promotion at work and will be moving into my own office and no longer having to deal with the public or a boss that I couldn't stand. I can't wait for the construction to be done so I can move. (My company is doing some remodeling on the office that the person moving out of mine is going to).

My friend Kari has an ElfCard on her blog that I'm going to try and share on mine. Thanks Kari. It was too funny.

I wish I had more time in my days to get stuff done - but it will all still be there when I get around to it.

Back to life

2008-11-28T23:06:00.001-06:00

Well I made it threw Thanksgiving. I was on my feet all day. I cooked for my family as I'm sure many of you did. But if was worth it.

I did just some basic shopping today - which what that translates into is - I shopped for ME!!!. I couldn't resist the new cartridges for the cricut at The Paper Garden. I just love the cartridge "Storybook". If you haven't had the chance to look at it go to the Cricut page and take a look. It is really neat. I can't wait to get my Christmas decorations up so I can play with it.

Time Away

2008-11-24T22:40:00.002-06:00

Well I got a much need few days away from home for the weekend. I went to San Marcus for the state volleyball playoffs. The Amarillo area had 3 teams that made it to state. Amarillo High (Blow Sand Blow)(5A), Bushland (Falcons)(3A) and Hereford (Whitefaces)(4A). All three teams won state. WAY TO GO!!!

San Marcus has a hug outlet mall and boy did I have fun shopping. It got me in the Christmas spirit and I started and got most of my shopping done. This has helped me in the fact that this year I actually want to put up a Christmas tree and decorate for the holidays. I haven't done that in 3 years.

My Aunt and Uncle live in Kerrville and I got to stop by there and visit with my Aunt. My uncle was off deer hunting. I just love getting to visit with her. She is the easiest person to talk to and you never feel like she judges you - even when your judging yourself. Love you Lu!

Well I'm worn out - went to the grocery store to get food for Thanksgiving and to start making some goodies. I'm definitely broke after that trip.

Keep the covers over my head

2008-11-18T09:17:00.010-06:00

I was reading my friends Tara's blog just now and totally understand how she feels about yesterday. I too had a day yesterday where I feel like I would have like to stayed in bed with my head under the covers. Thou mine wasn't a series of things, my one thing took all day.

A dear friend of mine had agreed to bring me her 21 year old mare (named Big MaMa) so that I could learn to ride and Kala could learn to ride and be around horse. This mare was the sweetest horse. She never gave me any trouble and was happy to be loved on and to be around Kala and I (even when sometimes we weren't happy to be around each other). She gave me many hours of relaxing, peaceful riding. Yesterday I got a call from where I keep her and was told that she had broken her leg. I went out to her and when my eyes fell on her there was no doubt that her leg was broken. Unfortunately the only thing that can be done for a horse is to put them down.

I tried and tried to call my friend that had so lovingly in trusted me with her horse to let her know that I was having her put down. My friend had this horse when she was in high school and had run barrels on her in high school rodeos. I did not get a hold of her until much later in the afternoon after I had already put her horse down.

I realize that Big Mama is a horse - but my animals mean the world to me. They love us unconditionally when sometimes we can't even love ourselves.

Big Mama will be missed by many. My niece, my nephew, and various other friends also got to enjoy riding her while I had her.

Thanks Big Mama!

Tagged

2008-11-17T09:17:00.003-06:00

Tag, and I'm it! My friend Kari tagged me and mentioned that this was a good way for jump starting your blog when you seem to be in a bloggng rut.

Link the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
*Share 7 random/weird facts about yourself.
*Tag 7 other people and link to them at the end of your blog.
*Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment.

1. I am adopted.

2. My name was suppose to be Joy.

3. I don't eat anything that swims or flys.

4. I bought a horse last April.

5. I'm left handed but do most things right handed.

6. I do stained glass.

7. I play the piano.

Ok I get to tag seven of my blogging buddies but since I only have a couple I'm tagging
Tara and Jacque

3 Years ago today

2008-11-16T00:32:00.000-06:00

3 years ago today was the day Kala had her surgery. That was one of hardest days of my life now that I look back at it. I took a vibrant normal young 24 year old daughter with a brain tumor on her brain stem and trusted her to a doctor to remove the tumor and after 5 hours of surgery to find out that they couldn't get to it and that she would have double vision and short term memory loss. Two things they didn't bother to tell us before the surgery. Not only was a devastated that they couldn't get the tumor, but then to find out that because of the surgery we would have other things to deal with. I remember saying to the doctor "you mean we did this for nothing". I guess what I should have said was "you mean we did this so that Kala would have short term memory loss and double vision?" Her double vision did go away in about 6 months which the doctor said it should - as far as the short term memory loss he couldn't tell me when. Well it's been 3 years and I'm hear to tell you it hasn't returned. Sometimes I wonder if it's returned more than Kala wants to admit and that she's just using it to get more attention. She has found out that from me it doesn't get her more attention.

I look today - especially at her and realize that I am lucky that she is alive and here, but wish I had the answers as to WHY we are having to travel this long and hard road. It has not been an
easy road for her or I and we are far from the end.

It saddens me to realize that I don't think she will ever be that young normal girl that I took to
that hospital three years ago and intrusted to a surgeon.

I do realize that God doesn't give us more than we can handle - sometimes I just wish he would give us a clue as to why and what the final goal is - because right now I have no idea.

My Cricut

2008-11-14T23:11:00.004-06:00

My love for scrapbooking has taken me to learning to do some new and different things.

I bought a Cricut about a year ago and haven't used it very much until a couple of weeks ago when a friend of mine - Freddie showed me some awesome things I can do with it.

After I played with my cricut for awhile I got on Yahoo and found several groups that have to do with Cricut and making your own things to print. That is my next new thing to learn to do. I'm also going to try and start doing some digital scrapbooking. When I learn to do both/either I will post pictures.

My friend Freddie lost one of his close friends this week and my heart goes out to him. It reminds me how short life can be and how we (I) need to treasure what I (we) do have. May God be with Freddie and his friends family.

Start of something new for me

2008-11-14T14:19:00.003-06:00

Ok this is the start of something new for me - posting to a blog. I'm starting this in hopes of a way for me to share some of the things that I love in my life like scrapbooking, horseback riding and hanging with my friends and family.

This blog at times may also serve as a place for me to vent about my life with my daughter. Many of you already know and understand the troubles that have been going on with my life since her surgery. I will post more on the whole situation with my daughter at a later time.

Thanks to Tara and Kari for helping me start this blog. (And yes Kari and Tara - reading your blogs haven given me the courage to start this one.)